


I'm sleeping my way out of this one

by AlgaLenn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (I don't know how to tag I'm sorry), (kind of), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gentle Sex, Love Confessions, M/M, Mark of Cain, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 12:07:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1387069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlgaLenn/pseuds/AlgaLenn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The hunter wakes up slowly, after a dreamless sleep. He’s too exhausted and defeated to get out of bed and take the shower he knows he needs. Hell, he can’t even bring himself to open his eyes, he just wants to stay in bed, enjoy the warmth of it, warmth he knows is from the other body lying beside him. He isn't touching him but he has to be there, there’s no other way the bed would be as warm as it is, if it was otherwise. Dean doesn't open his eyes to check, though, doesn't move.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm sleeping my way out of this one

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The title is the first line of 7 Minutes in Heaven by Fall Out Boy and of course I don't own Supernatural or the characters.  
> This was supposed to be just porn but then the plot got in the way and apparently I can only write angst when this two are involved (maybe I love making people cry?). Also, if you know me irl... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry and I hope this doesn't ruin the image you have of me.  
> Let's say it's kinda my first time writing smut... yeah, let's keep it that way... (I don't think I'm good at this, I just needed to get it out of my system) and if you find any mistake please tell me.  
> One last thing! I'm sorry if this is confusing at the beginning, take into account that the paragraphs in italic are flashbacks :)  
> Oh! And a big thank you to the lovely [reichenbach_riots](http://archiveofourown.org/users/reichenbach_riots) for encouraging me to post this.  
> Sorry about this long note hehe  
> ENJOY!

_Dean shoves the angel against the wall, making him sit on the night stand and straddling his hips. He’s desperate, needy, impatient, wants to get on with it as fast as he can so he doesn’t start to have second thoughts about it. And the angel is currently pulling him closer, fists clenching to his shirt as if his life might depend on it, nails digging into his back rather painfully. Castiel doesn't notice and the hunter doesn't care. He even thinks he deserves it. **Of course** he deserves it, **he’s poison.**_

The hunter wakes up slowly, after a dreamless sleep. He’s too exhausted and defeated to get out of bed and take the shower he knows he needs. Hell, he can’t even bring himself to open his eyes, he just wants to stay in bed, enjoy the warmth of it, warmth he knows is coming from the other body lying beside him. He isn't touching him but he _has_ to be there, there’s no other way the bed would be as warm as it is, if it was otherwise. Dean doesn't open his eyes to check, though, doesn't move.

_Castiel moans when the hunter’s mouth finds his neck and starts to suck bruises all over it. The sound is intoxicating and Dean only wants to hear more, wants to make the angel of The Lord beg for him to give him more. He loves this, loves the power of being the reason why Castiel is crumbling to pieces. He loves the power, loves it…_

Dean shakes his head, the memories from last night making him groan. Or at least, he tries to convince himself that it’s a groan, because that _wasn't a freaking sob_ , Dean Winchester doesn't sob because he regrets having sex. Dean Winchester doesn't regret having sex, ever.

Oh, but he regrets it… He regrets it so much.

_The lamp finally falls from the edge of the night stand, light bulb shattering on the floor as the two men grind their hips frantically against each other, moans and sighs filling the room. Did he close the bedroom door? He doesn't remember, doesn't really care. The bunker is a huge place, Sam won’t hear them and if he does, so be it, that’s not going to stop him now. He's going to do this, take Castiel and claim him as his own, ruin him for everyone else, because Dean is selfish like that, right? He only cares about what is best for him, like Sam said._

_God he loves this! The feeling of immense power that it gives him! He doesn't even mind that the mark is burning as if it was on fire. Every time it gets in contact with Castiel it hurts even more, but he won't put an end to this because of that either. The hunter feels unstoppable._

He still can’t believe he has done it. _No,_ he can believe it, the images are seared into his mind, but he doesn't _want_ to believe it happened. It is obvious that the hunter has wanted it to happen for a long time, but… Why now? Why like this? Why in the moment when he deserved it less than ever? That’s all Dean can think about: Why? He is unable to wrap his mind around the answers.

When Dean finally saw Castiel again, he had expected the angel to be angry at him. Sam had talked with him about the mark and Dean was honestly waiting for the pissed off angel to beat the shit out of him as soon as they were alone. He had convinced himself about wanting that, but deep inside him he knew that wasn't true at all.

That didn't happen.

Once Sam had left them alone in the library, the angel had walked towards him and lifted Dean’s right arm slowly, while looking at him with eyes full of sorrow and pity. Castiel had slowly rolled up his sleeve and held his breath when he saw the mark. Then there had been a soft touch of his fingers over it and the hunter had jumped backwards when the pain struck him like lightning, burning through his whole body, unbearable. Right after that, Cas had told him that he was going to find a way to fix this too and Dean had to leave. He just couldn't see his best friend so wrecked. He knew that the angel was already trying to find a way to blame himself for this and Dean couldn't stand that. It wasn't Castiel's fault; the hunter had gotten himself into that by his own means.

Dean had walked inside his room with a bottle of whiskey in hand and by the time Castiel had knocked on his door he had already finished it. The problem was he wasn't drunk, not even a bit, so he couldn't blame on the alcohol what happened when he opened the door. He was sure that the mark had something to do with it, though. He had felt something snap inside of his brain.

_He certainly isn't unstoppable. Everything happens so fast that the hunter doesn't even register the movement Castiel makes. He only knows that, a few seconds ago, they were both practically on the night stand and that he was fumbling with the angel’s belt and now they are on the bed, Dean’s face buried into the pillow while Castiel covers him with his very naked body, erection pressed perfectly over his also very naked ass. He moans loudly. He can have this too, being fucked hard into the mattress sounds as good as fucking the angel senseless. He can have this as long as it is fast and rough._

Dean finally rolls over and opens his eyes. His heart sinks. Castiel isn't there. He feels like a goddamned idiot. Why the hell has he thought that the angel was going to be there? His friend had been confused or acted on instinct when Dean practically threw himself at him; he had never actually wanted it. The hunter feels even guiltier, if possible. But then he remembers the rest of the night, the part he has repressed because he didn't deserve it, because Cas treated him with so much _love_ and that just wasn't right. How could an angel love someone as unholy as him?

_The things start to take a completely different direction and Dean doesn't like it -He doesn't. **He. Doesn't-**. The angel runs feather like fingers over his back and the hunter feels the angelic grace healing the scratches the other has made earlier. Moving his mouth to the hunter’s ear, he whispers: “I know you don’t want this, Dean.” His friend’s tone is full of love and the hunter wants to protest. Of course he wants this, for God’s sake! “I know you don’t want it like this.” And no, no, no, no, Dean wants it like this. Rough, fast, no feelings, no love, he doesn't deserve the love of the angel. “Please, Dean…” Castiel sounds so defeated, like he doesn't believe he will be able to make the hunter understand. “Let me take care of you.” He flips him over, so he is on his back now, his eyes shut. Dean can’t see this. “I want to take care of you.” And then the angel is kissing him, their first real kiss of the night, fully on the lips, soft and gentle. A tear falls down Dean’s cheek as he wraps his arms around the other’s neck and kisses him back._

Dean is staring at the empty room. The part of last night that he liked the best fills his mind as he tries to think about where Castiel is right now. He wonders if what he did will only assure him a fastest descent back to hell. At least he's not mulling over the first blade again, which is almost a miracle, because he has spent every waking hour of the last days thinking about how good it felt to have it on his hand, how powerful it made him fell. The hunter hates himself for that, it makes him sick, makes him wonder if he is still completely human.

_The angel stops kissing him for a second and wipes the tears from Dean’s eyes, making him open them and forcing him to look at Castiel's pools of blue -The hunter could lose himself in those eyes, already has done that thousands of times-. There is a silent request there; his friend wants to know if he will let him. The only thing Dean can do is nod, the part of him that had been trying to convince himself about wanting it to be like another one-night stand has subsided, leaving his true wishes out in the open and he is sure that Castiel can read him perfectly._

_Cas smiles and leans over again to kiss him for a second time, while his left hand opens the bedside drawer without hesitation, grabs the small bottle he knows it is there and leaves it in the bed. Dean isn't nervous, even though they are both pretty new at this, he’s looking forward to it, wants it now. Part of him wants to stop all this gentleness, beg for the angel to fuck him until his body can’t take it any more, but Castiel won’t let him do that and he is really enjoying it this way anyway, he’s enjoying it more than any other time._

There’s a soft, hesitant, knock on the door and Dean covers himself with the blankets, hiding his face in the pillow. He doesn't reply, he’s not in the mood to talk with anyone, so he just pretends to be asleep. It is probably Sam anyway and he will get in if he really needs to talk with the older hunter, so there’s no point in making him know that he’s awake. Dean doesn't even try to dissimulate the mess that his bed is, because he wants to leave it that way, as a reminder of how much he screwed up his friendship with Castiel.

The door opens.

_It happens slowly, only with tender touches and soft kisses over the hunter’s skin. There’s no love bites, no bruises nor hickeys, Castiel just cherishes him with every brush of lips and Dean loves it. He barely notices when the angel starts stretching him –he can tell there’s some angel mojo involved-, quickly making a wave of pleasure go through his body. The human has never felt something like that before and he is sure going to become addicted to it. Cas takes his time, doing everything he can to stop Dean from feeling any kind of discomfort. He murmurs enochian words over the human’s lips, between kisses and, after what seems like hours, the hunter opens his eyes again and **pleads**. “Cas…” His voice is gruff with emotion and barely a whisper. “I want you.” **I need you, I love you.** The angel complies._

_They set on a rhythmic pace, neither too slow nor too fast. It is just them in the world, smiling at each other, despite the circumstances, while the angel makes love to the human he fell for. Every time Castiel thrusts into the hunter, the other rewards him with a moan that is supposed to be his name and the angel needs to close his eyes so he doesn't lose it too fast. When they are both terribly close to the edge, Cas bends over and captures Dean’s lips, before whispering again in enochian. This time the hunter knows what the words mean. That makes him fall._

_He comes untouched, the first time since he can remember, spilling all over his and Castiel’s stomach, and during that moment he feels like himself again, he feels human. The angel comes inside of him soon after and the mere thought of it makes Dean spill as well those three little words he has been always afraid of saying. Cas kisses him again and Dean could swear that there are a few tears in his eyes._

_Coming out of his high, the angel slips out of Dean and wraps his arms around him, pressing him closer. The hunter is starting to come back too and his mind is finally catching up with what they have done. He starts to panic. “Cas, I'm s-” The angel shuts him up with another searing kiss. He won’t deal with the other’s self-loathing right now. He won’t hear the words ‘I'm sorry’ when there’s nothing to be sorry about. He can’t hear him say ‘I don’t deserve you’ when is the other way around. “Sleep, Dean.” He whispers. “We can talk about it later.” That comes out harsher than he intended and the hunter doesn't want to piss him off, so he just follows his order and falls asleep._

Castiel is standing in the doorway, mug of coffee in one hand and a plate with pie in the other one. He sees his hunter curled up into a ball in the bed and smiles fondly, walking towards him without making a sound, though he knows that he’s not actually sleeping. He leaves the mug and pie in the night stand and climbs into the bed, wrapping his arms around the other from behind. “I brought you breakfast.” He whispers and the hunter turns around, his eyes wide with shock. “Cas?” He can’t believe it. “What, Dean?” Castiel replies a bit amused, only to be pushed away by the hunter. The angel’s heart breaks. “Did I do something wrong?” He can’t understand why the human looks so confused and wrecked. Was last night not what he had wanted? But he told him… “You’re still here?” Dean says, hating how his voice trembles with uncertainty as if he’s afraid that this is all a dream and he will wake up in any minute to find himself in the nightmare that his life is. “Why wouldn't I be?” That’s it, Dean can’t handle it any more, all the feelings he’s been burying deep down during all those years… He breaks down and hugs the angel tightly to keep him by his side.

Dean is not crying, he is not. He is just… Damn, okay, he’s crying a little. “I thought you had left me, that you regretted… last night, dammit, Cas, I'm so sorry.” The angel pulls him away so he can look into those impossibly green eyes. “You don’t have to be sorry and of course I don’t regret it.” He sighs. At some point he was going to have to deal with this. “Didn't you hear what I said? I meant it, Dean, and I've been hoping… maybe you meant it too.” _I have fallen for you in every imaginable way, Dean Winchester, and it has been more than worth it._

The hunter has meant it, he loves Castiel, he loves him more than anything, but still can’t bring himself to say it again, so he only nods. “How can you, though?” Dean asks, wiping away the tears. At least he’s not crying now. “I don’t deserve it, Cas, I'm poison, I don’t even feel human any more and you are… you.” _You deserve so much better, angel._ The angel shakes his head and kisses Dean on the lips softly. “No, Dean, you do deserve it, you deserve to be happy.” And Castiel will do everything in his power to make the hunter happy. “And you’re still human, still the Righteous Man, still the most beautiful soul I have ever laid eyes on.” He reaches for the hunter’s right arm again, just like last night, but this time he doesn't touch the Mark of Cain. “And, as I said yesterday, I will find a way to fix this too.” Because he knows that is what is making Dean question his humanity and he will do anything to stop that.

Maybe is because of how Castiel says it, so sure of himself, or maybe is because he just wants to have a bit of hope again. It really doesn't matter why, what matters is that he believes it. Dean nods again and Castiel smiles at him, reaching for the plate in the night stand. “I know apple is your favourite.” He says, holding the pie in front of the hunter, so the smell reaches his nose, and Dean thinks that they can pretend the world is not ending for just another hour. “Yeah, Cas, thank you.” And he can’t help but smile back.

_*              *              *_

_When they are both terribly close to the edge, Cas bends over and captures Dean’s lips, before whispering again in enochian. This time the hunter knows what the words mean. **Olani hoath ol. I love you, you’re my everything, you complete me. For you I would give my life and even more, my beloved.**  That makes him fall._

**Author's Note:**

> I /know/... The end is a bit rushed, I'm not very happy with it but, well... it is done! Also, I don't know if that is 'I love you' in enochian hahaha I googled it, I needed to use it, I just love the idea of Castiel telling Dean he loves him that way.  
> As always comments and kudos are really appreciated, I love feedback! (even more on this occasion since is the first time I'm posting smut)


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